Week in Review 22

• Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) indicates he's reconsidering his decision to resign from the Senate on the heels of a conviction related to a solicitation charge in a public bathroom. Craig indicates his intentions by sitting in front of the chamber and tapping his right foot while putting his left foot on that of Senate Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid.
• 63-year-old adventurer Steve Fossett goes missing after taking off in a single-plane for what was supposed to be a three-hour tour. Also on board were a professor, a rich couple, a red-headed movie star, an overweight Navy veteran, a pot-smoking hippie in a cango, and some Midwest cutie named Mary Ann.
• Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA, continues to defend her rambling answer to a question at the Miss Teen USA pageant by telling Blawg Wild: "When in the course of human events for the sake of peace in South Africa, I should not have reservations about the quality of judgmentalism at the height of the Cold War activism for pursuit of animal rights and the qualities therein and hereafter and therefore and stuff like that, you know."
• Disney's "High School Musical" star Vanessa Hudgens, 18, apologizes for a privately taken nude photo making the rounds on the Internet. Millions of males with Internet access accept her apology.
• Columbus Ledger-Enquirer columnist Chris Johnson apologizes for nude pics that keep appearing at HotNakedSouthernNewspaperColumnists.com. Millions of men and women who accidentally stumble across the photo sue for emotional trauma.
• A new video from Osama bin Laden appears. U.S. government officials confirm the authenticity of the video featuring the lanky bearded Al-Qaida nut shooting bottle rockets from his rear end.
• U.S. officials, who had nearly captured bin Laden before getting sidetracked in Iraq, believe the video is helping them close in once again on the terrorist. Particularly revealing in the video is when bin Laden disappears from the video for 20 seconds but is overheard saying, "Yes, did you want that Slurpee cherry or blue raspberry?"
• America is aghast when a can opener becomes the first product imported from China that is not deadly, has instructions that make sense and doesn't fall apart in 15 minutes. The U.S. government vows it won't happen again.

Week in Review 3

• WASHINGTON -- An Iraqi who was one of al-Qaida's most senior and experienced operatives, Abdul Hadi al-Iraqi, has been shipped to the Guantanamo Bay military prison for terror suspects, officials said Friday. This makes the 47,428,651st senior al-Qaida operative captured since the War on Terror began, meaning the only terrorists left are Osama bin Laden and some guy named Eddie.
• LONDON -- A mineral recently discovered in Serbia has the same composition as kryptonite -- the fictional substance that robs Superman of his powers -- the British Museum said Tuesday. Mineral expert Chris Stanley at the Natural History Museum said: "Towards the end of my research I searched the Web using the mineral's chemical formula, sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide, and was amazed to discover that same scientific name written on a case of rock containing kryptonite stolen by Lex Luthor from a museum in the film 'Superman Returns.'" Stanley then raced down the hall to help a friend who'd been bitten by a radioactive super-spider.
• After she and Laurie David confronted presidential adviser Karl Rove at the White House Correspondents dinner about global warming, singer Sheryl Crow said that people could help save the planet by using one square of toilet paper at a time. It's obvious Miss Crow has never eaten at a Mexican restaurant.
• Richard Gere tried to quell the storm over a public kiss on the cheek that he gave a Bollywood star at an AIDS awareness event, apologizing Friday for any offense. Gere's embrace and kiss of actress Shilpa Shetty sparked several noisy demonstrations by hard-line Hindu groups and a flurry of legal complaints, which ended with a judge in the northwestern city of Jaipur issuing an arrest warrant for the two stars for violating obscenity laws. Perhaps this explains why all the Indians handling American companies' customer service calls are so irritable.
• Funeral goers let out a collective gasp at Boris Yeltsin's funeral as the former Russian president rises from his casket after someone proposes a toast.
• Actor Alec Baldwin goes on "The View" to apologize for a recently leaked voice mail to his 11-year-old daughter in which he berated her for missing his phone call, swore and calles her a "rude, thoughtless little pig" for missing his call. Baldwin said he meant to call her a "rude, thoughtless little ferret," but got confused in his anger.
• WOODBURN, Ind. -- The adviser for the Woodlan Junior-Senior High School's student newspaper, The Tomahawk, has been placed on administrative leave and is expected to be fired after she didn't alert the principal that a student had written a column advocating tolerance for homosexuals and those "different from you." The principal sends a clear message that tolerance will not be tolerated.
• For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe." The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. Because it's so close, NASA makes plans to visit the planet, but says it's gonna wait until gas prices go down a little.