Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Get Dirty Dirty

My young friend Cody Peaster and his band Dirty Dirty from back home will be playing in Columbus on Saturday night at Caliente, an 18-and-over club near Columbus State. Nightlife diva, friend and colleague Sonya Sorich plans to check them out with me. Show should start around 9 p.m., but has any 9 p.m. show in Columbus ever started at 9 p.m.? Some other friends may join us. You should, too. Now, this ain't Barry Manilow music or even Jimmy Buffett. It's Southern metal, or something like that, so don't expect to mellow out.

Here's a picture of me and Cody taken last weekend at his parents' home. I'm also his mentor for his senior project, which should scare the heck out of every teacher at Schley County High.

Monday, February 25, 2008

You ain't seein' my drawers

During my son's annual checkup at his pediatrician's office, the nurse told him to strip down to his underwear, and the doctor, a woman, would be in shortly. Saylor looked her square in the eye and informed her, "I am not doing that!"

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Peeping Tom cure?

Not too long ago, there was a rash of peeping Tom incidents in my mom's neighborhood. She tried not to scare my 7-year-old niece Bailey about it, but nevertheless told her they needed to make sure the curtains were pulled to and the blinds were closed. Bailey's solution:

"Memommy, if you want to scare him away why don't you open the blinds and the curtains?"

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Head cases

The Georgia General Assembly (in yet another example why they should just take a year off every now and then and save us tax dollars by not meeting) is now considering a bill that would allow motorcycle riders to ride without wearing helmets. Don't know whether I should weigh in, considering the dichotomy of my views on motorcycles (I have friends who ride them and I have a blast at motorcycle paradise Angel City, and yet I hate unnecessary noise and the way riders get a free pass to speed and break traffic laws in Columbus). But what the heck, I'll weigh in anyway.

I guess I'm gonna have to side with liberty here. You should have the freedom to spill your brains on the highway. But know that it won't be a lot of comfort to the family members you leave behind to know that you died free in an otherwise minor accident. I guess we should only legislate stupidity when it begins to affect other folks.

So, let the wind blow through your hair (or around your bald head for my motorcyclist buddy Gregg) but please don't crack your skull open in front of me on the highway.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Get off my island!

I discovered this island during Saturday's kayaking excursion down the Flint River. I think I'm gonna name it something really unique like Chris Island. So stay the heck off. I'm sure a few folks have seen it before, but that didn't stop Christopher Columbus from discovering America. To which the Native Americans responded, "You didn't discover anything, moron. You were late."

Nevertheless, I've declared this island for my own, and I'll probably write more about it for this Sunday's column. There are bound to be a few unique rules on Chris Island.

As for the kayaking trip, it's the best I've had in the 8 months or so that I've have the kayak. I got in the river at a bridge in Macon County where the last working ferry in Georgia once was. I crossed the river on that old ferry many times. I believe it's now at the Agrirama in Tifton. Once I got in, I didn't see another human being or house for two hours. Nothing but trees and nice animals. When I repeat this trip in spring and summer, I'm sure I'll be joined by mean animals such as gators and snakes. I've seen many gators on that stretch of the river before.

It was nice to get away from everything and everybody for a while. Helps you appreciate everything and everybody.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Back on the water

I haven't been kayaking in quite a while, but I'm gonna hit the Flint River on Saturday. Looks like it'll be a perfect day. High of 71, no chance of rain. And it's still too cool to have to worry about alligatoras and cottonmouths gettring curious about my little red kayak. I plan to post a photo or two, for there are few undisturbed stretches of river like the one I'll be on.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Zoom Zoom Boom

Do you ever feel like you'll never get a dollar ahead? For eight years I've been trying to escape debt only to have one surprise expense or another come up and club me in the back of the head like a sack of quarters.

Last week, the transmission went out on my 3-year-old hunk of junk SUV a couple days after I paid my credit card down to $11. After tomorrow, that credit card will be back up to $3,011 or so. Since it's gonna cost me about three thousand dollars to fix, I'm gonna make sure I tell three thousand people not to buy a vehicle from that company. I can't mention their name here, but if you contact me, I'll be glad to alert you.

The story of the breakdown is rather funny, if you're not dealing with the pain of paying for this. It involves me walking home barefoot and in shorts in 35-degree weather. You can read more about it in my next Sunday column.

Friday, February 8, 2008


The alarm for the statewide tornado drill is blaring all across Columbus as I'm writing this and every dog in the neighborhood is howling and barking. Except mine, Pepper, who's too busy chewing up stuff. This reminds me of noon back home in Oglethorpe, when they would blare the fire engine to signal lunch time I guess (as if I were gonna miss that) and our dog would run across the street to our neighbor Ms. Cheek's backyard to howl back at what it thought must have been the altar from which he was supposed to howl to the dog god every day at noon.

Now THAT hurts

I've got a few regular stalkers who leave comments at the bottom of my column that's posted online. Usually, it's some highly intelligent comment such as "you suck" or "you're sooooo gay." But this week, these guys really hurt my feelings because they called me FAT. One said I must be 75 pounds overweight and the other said my waist size must be 44-46 inches. Ouch! By the way, I'm 187 pounds with a 32-inch waist. Oh, and I'm not gay. Whether I suck or not, well, that's debatable. Here's a fairly recent pic of me with my boss, Pork Chop, at the newsroom Christmas party. Click here to see the most recent column with the inane comments.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Poor Tom Brady

Wow! What a Super Bowl! Little brother Eli Manning comes up with one of the greatest drives and greatest plays in NFL history! And pouty coach Bill Belichick's Pats go down.

The New York Giants pulled one out for the hard-working little guys out there, somewhat ironic considering their nickname. I now forgive them for knocking me out of the King of the Hill pool earlier this year. Not that there was money on the line or anything because that wouldn't be legal, but if I had to put a dollar value on the amount of pain that caused me, I'd say it was about $240 worth of pain.

I don't have anything against Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, but I don't feel sorry for the guy, even though he got roughed up by the Giants defense. Look, the man's got three Super Bowl rings, is rich, plays a game for a living, is tall and handsome, and will be comforted tonight by one of the most beautiful women in the world, supermodel Gisele Bundchen (pictured here). Nearly every man on the planet would trade his problems for Tom Brady's.