Get your ex-girlfriend back

I stumbled across a Web site today selling this $67 course:

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How to Effortlessly Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Want to Come Back to You"
Without Begging or Using "Fake" Persuasion Tricks and "Sneaky" Manipulation Tactics and Mind Games

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Yeah, nothing "sneaky" about buying a course to get your girl back instead of just changing the jerk or moron that you are. And if you're not a jerk or moron, you don't need the girl. There are an awful lot of ex-girlfriends I've wanted back, and I can honestly say I'm now glad none gave in. Although, I'm surprised daily that my wife comes home. Guess she likes jerky morons.

But, hey, if you're dead-set on getting that loser chick back, here are a few options for you ... free of charge:

• Quit being like yourself. Be someone much cooler and, if possible, better looking.
• Don't you dare admit you have actual emotions beyond caring about your favorite football team ... even if you're crying your eyes out every night more than when the Dallas Cowboys tamed the Falcons' Gritz Blitz in the 1980 playoffs.
• If she's shallow, buy her something shiny.
• If she's deep, write her a poem. Something sweet like "You spin me right round, baby; right round like a record, baby; right round round round."
  
• Stalk her: Not in a sick, scary, very illegal way. Just kind of let her know you care, as Ernest T. Bass did Charlene Darling when he'd throw a rock through her window and sing a purty song:
  

Old Aunt Maria, jump in the fi-ah,
Fire too hot, jump in the pot,
Pot too black, jump in the crack,
Crack too high, jump in the sky,
Sky too blue, jump in canoe,
Canoe too shallow, jump in the tallow,
Tallow too soft, jump in the loft,
Loft too rotten, jump in the cotton,
Cotton so white she stay there all night.

But, if you don't trust my methods, you can click here and fork out $67 to get the girl back.