Election thoughts

I don't think anyone could have watched the clinching moments of the presidential election and not be a little emotional about the historical significance of Obama and his family going into the White House. Until last night, the cultural impact of this was of no concern to me. I was focused on the economic issues. But it was a little overwhelming last night when the impact hit me like a ton of bricks. Definitely a great moment to witness.

A not-so-great moment was going to a couple precincts like many others from the newspaper to collect voting results as soon as possible from local races. As they posted the numbers, I combed through the write-ins and saw that in various races God, Pee-Wee Herman, Kobe Bryant, Method Man, Jay-Z and the usual Mickey Mouse got their votes and my personal favorite write-in of the night, Don. Don who? I dunno.

That's a lot funnier in a special election no one cares about and draws 10 percent of voters. But in a historical election where people come out in droves and wait in long lines to cast serious ballots, it's pretty insensitive to add to the wait with selfishness and immaturity.

Noah where to go

In case y'all are interested, I'm building an ark. Sure, it may be merely the remnants of Tropical Storm Fay (apparently to be followed by Gustav), but I'm starting to get worried that God's in an Old Testament kind of mood ... you know where he had immediate buyer's remorse after creating humans and kept smiting them left and right.

I'm having a little trouble finding out whether these two ferrets are one of each sex, though. So, if I screw up, there may not be any ferrets reproducing when the rain stops. But, really, who needs ferrets? It's not like they're critical on the food chain or anything. Well, unless you count the Ferret on a Stick they sell at the Macon County Fair. Mmm.

And where the heck are "cubits" on this darn tape measure?!

Week in Review 12

• After a season of apparent policy slip-ups, Pope Benedict XVI announced Monday that he is shuffling top advisers and bringing in veteran diplomats closely identified with Vatican policy in Iraq and the Middle East. Among those whose duties were shuffled are God, who has been reassigned to a largely ceremonial role as Associate Assistant Vice President for the Development of Papal Input, and Jesus, who will work in the Vatican mail room.
• The bald eagle is taken off the endangered species list. The government, however, insists that the mildly receding hairline eagle remains on the protected list.
• Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and other world players seek a "unified response" to Darfur crisis at a conference in Paris. It is unclear whether this will replace the current "unified response" -- apathy.
• A 15-year-old boy in India who allegedly delivered a baby by Caesarean section in an attempt to set a world record as the youngest surgeon apparently fled as police prepared to arrest him on Tuesday. He gave police at the front door the slip when he left through a window.
• China's Xinhua News Agency says its legislature has approved a contract labor law aimed at improving workers' rights. On behalf of Americans everywhere, let's hope they now have the right not to make total crap that falls apart in three days.
• With parts of Alabama suffering from exceptional drought, Gov. Bob Riley declares June 30-July 7 as "Days of Prayer for Rain" as he wants Alabamians to pool their prayer power to cure the drought. This is the kind of practical leadership folks have been lacking since, oh, the Dark Ages.
• Researchers announce they will visit Michigan's Upper Peninsula next month to search for evidence of the legendary creature known as ''Bigfoot'' or ''Sasquatch.'' Michiganer Michael Moore agrees to film the search for a documentary, being that he's Sasquatch's closest human cousin and all.
• During a speech in Rhode Island, President Bush holds up Israel as a model for Iraq. Well, let's all hope that 60 years from now, like Israelis, Iraqis can live free in a state of perpetual fear of getting blown up.
• In a major blow against terrorism, British authorities thwart a plot to reassemble the Spice Girls.
• The Atlanta Hawks draft Al Horford and Acie Law in the 17th year of their rebuilding plan.
• In Senegal, First lady Laura Bush picks vegetables and hands out mosquito nets to emphasize that fighting AIDS in Africa also means tackling some of the continent's even more widespread afflictions: malnutrition and malaria. Unfortunately, Mrs. Bush's plans go awry when she is arrested for being an undocumented worker.