Cokenomics

Coke is relieving the economic pressures of the nation by offering the best diet drink ever, Coke Zero, for just 99 cents. Sounds like a great deal until you see the bottle is a measly 16 ounces. Granted, our grandparents could get through a whole day with an 8-ounce bottle of Coca-Cola, but we're the Big Gulp generation. We super-size our fries and at the movies we buy tubs of popcorn that we could live in should we become homeless.

I can't find a dadgum 20-ounce bottle of Coke Zero now to save my life. Give a caffeine addict a break! I'm stuck with nasty Diet Pepsi or Pepsi One. And by the way, Coke Zero has zero calories and Pepsi One has one calorie. Come on, PepsiCo, step it up and knock out that last calorie! You can do it!

I've never understood soda economics. You go into a convenience store (oxymoron alert) and they've got a 20-ounce for $1.35, a 16-ounce for 99 cents or a 2-liter for $1.19. Who else prices like that?

"Yeah, we've got the '74 Pinto for $10,000, the '94 Cavalier for $20,000 and the brand new Porsche for $2,500. What's it gonna be?"

Week in review

• Sen. Larry Craig is inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame, marking the Republican lawmaker's first ceremonial appearance back in his home state since his arrest in an airport bathroom sex sting became public in August. He also becomes the first person in Idaho to receive the prestigious Udaho award.
• Traffic jams plague Columbus when jaywalkers and pedestrians prove they can actually get slower crossing the street as they come to a complete stop. The National Guard is deployed to remove the stationary pedestrians. Families may go to the Government Center at 10 a.m. Tuesday to identify family members collected from the streets.
• A boy who was bitten multiple times by a Rottweiler running free on a Hawaiian beach is awarded $856,000 by a jury that concluded the dog's owner was negligent. Like every other owner of dogs who've mauled and bitten people, Mariko Bereday insists the dog is docile and not aggressive.
• Thousands of cash-strapped Hawaiians tie raw meat to themselves and taunt Mariko Bereday's Rottweiler.
• Boxer Evander Holyfield, 44, loses a unanimous decision to Sultan Ibragimov but insists he will continue pursuing the heavyweight title. Asked by a trainer following the fight, "How many fingers am I holding up?" Holyfield responds "1,347,321."
• The rivalry between Coke and Pepsi takes a physical turn when a Pepsi deliveryman allegedly punches his Coke counterpart in the face at a western Pennsylvania Wal-Mart. When the Coke deliveryman left the store, his counterpart allegedly punched him in the face three times, breaking his nose and giving him a black eye, police said. No charges have been filed, but police characterized the incident as a misdemeanor simple assault. Pepsi is expected to roll out its "Pepsi Packs a Punch!" ad campaign any day now.
• Thumper, a black Labrador retriever, is getting credit for saving a Greenville, Maine, man when a fire swept through his home. Thumper grabbed the sleeping Roland Cote by the arm to wake him. Cote said the fire marshal investigator believes the blaze was started when Princess, the family cat, tipped over a kerosene lantern. Cote says he and his pets escaped safely, but he says Princess did get her tail singed by the flames. Princess, however, has accused Thumper of staging the fire.

Expensive drinks

Why do soft drinks cost so much these days? Are Coke and Pepsi getting jealous of oil companies' vulgar profits?

During a recent excursion to a chain bar and grill, I paid $2.19 for a Diet Coke. I assume they use the same Diet Coke as Burger King and McDonald's, where I can get it cheaper. Or perhaps the chain bar and grills import their Diet Cokes from far-away lands such as France, Argentina or Atlanta. Can someone please explain the economics of cola?