Just park it

On Thursday, I watched somebody spend over a minute trying to park their giant, gas-guzzling truck into a space at the parking garage while at least three other cars, including mine, were blocked from continuing on their way to another level where we parked like normal people. And just now, I watched a guy struggle to maneuver his vehicle backward into a parking space at the gym. His was the only car in that entire side of the parking lot. It was surrounding by at least 24 empty parking spaces. Getting out was not going to be complicated.

I'm convinced that people who spend all this time parking backward so they can get out easier later actually spend more time doing that than the people who park normally and back out later. Pulling through to an empty space at the mall so you can exit easier is one thing. But, seriously people, backing out of a parking space is not exactly rocket science. And it's a lot easier and less time-consuming than backing into one.

Vigilantes

I really hope I don't accidentally kick a dent in the Mercedes whose the-world-revolves-around-me driver double-parks it in the parking garage near work. I hope somebody else does it besides me because there are cameras in there, and I don't wanna get busted. Usually, when somebody does this, I be sure to double-park my vehicle right beside them, so close that it's hard for them to even enter their vehicle. But I usually only do this when driving the wife's car in case Mr. Toogood Foryou retaliates.

I also want to make clear that I do not condone the following: When a driver tosses his cigarette butt out the window at a red light and you go retrieve it from the road and toss it back into their open window. I appreciate it, but I don't condone it.

I also do not condone playing Ernest Tubb songs at 200 decibels outside the home of the teenager who cruises by your house with his window-rattling stereo blasting inane rap songs.

All these things are very wrong. Really, don't do it. I mean it. Unless, you know, you get the urge or something.