Mickey D's

My McDonald's career is over after one 1-hour shift. Man, you steal a few McNuggets and they just go all crazy on you. Like those people needed 10 McNuggets. Eight was plenty for them.

OK, so I was only behind the counter to encourage folks to donate to the Ronald McDonald House, and I'd say at least 4 out of 5 people did. I didn't check folks' W-2 forms, but I'd also venture to guess that the folks who had the least to give gave the most. And a large group of co-workers and my bosses came in and were quite generous, as well.

I hate when people beg me for money, so I appreciate everyone who let me beg them for money. Also, thanks to the staff at the downtown Columbus McDonalds at Veterans Parkway and 14th Street, especially the front counter gals like LaToya here who had to work around me for a while.

I also want to note that this puts me ahead of two co-workers -- nightlife diva Sonya Sorich and my boss Pork Chop, who were once turned down for jobs at Jack in the Box and Wendy's, respectively. I told Pork Chop she should have worn her hair in pigtails for that interview. I'd have done anything to hear the man say, "Sorry, Miss Chop, but you're just not Wendy's material. But, hey, there's always journalism."

Happy retirements!

Three of my co-workers in the newsroom have headed out the door for early retirement this week — columnist Kaffie Sledge, writer Mick Walsh and copy editor Jerry Gibson, who have over 100 years of experience between them.

Jerry sits right behind me and Mick sits right in front of me. I'm about to have an awful lot of elbow room. They're three of the nicest folks you'll ever meet, and we'll be sending them off in style in about three weeks.

I work closest with Jerry because we're both in features. Jerry hardly ever misses a day of work and is a huge movie buff. He also has an understated sense of humor and is quick to join me in saying things to make my boss Pork Chop yell, "Inappropriate!"

There was a story about Jerry, Mick and Kaffie's retirements in today's Ledger-Enquirer. Part of it deals with when Jerry lost parts of all 10 fingers after being trapped atop a mountain in a freak snowstorm and saving the life of another man. You can read the story by clicking here.

Good luck, guys.

(Photo of Chuck Williams, Tony Adams and Jerry Gibson by Mike Haskey/Ledger-Enquirer)

Insult Your Boss Day

My colleague Sandra Okamoto, the only person at the Ledger-Enquirer who intimidates and scares me, pointed out today that Insult Your Boss Day is just around the corner. It's July 23.

Of course, Sandra noted that because I call my boss "Pork Chop" that every day is Insult Your Boss Day for me.

According to the e-mail I was forwarded about the event: At 3:00 pm Eastern Standard Time on International Insult Your Boss Day, all workers should insult their bosses simultaneously, followed by a communal drink at the nearest bar. You might want to make sure your coworkers are planning to do this before you commit to it. Like senior skip day in high school, it only works if everyone participates. So, don't let your colleagues down.

You can learn more about Insult Your Boss Day and get handy advice at this Web site.

Coming to my defense,sort of

There's an elderly blind man who calls my work phone before 7 a.m. almost every Sunday morning to comment on my column, praise me or criticize me. He goes to a special Web site to have the paper read to him. How that Web site even knows what some of my made-up words mean, I have no idea.

Anyway, he left me a long message about my latest column yesterday, concerning my upcoming pilgrimage to the Jimmy Buffett concert in Atlanta and how my boss, Pork Chop, is more excited than anybody because she knows I'll be in a good mood for a while. (You can credit the onset of summer for that, as well.) The message began with:

"I disagree with Pork Chop. I don't think you're an idiot. I think you're a bloomin' idiot."

Sucks when you really have no defense for that.

Now THAT hurts

I've got a few regular stalkers who leave comments at the bottom of my column that's posted online. Usually, it's some highly intelligent comment such as "you suck" or "you're sooooo gay." But this week, these guys really hurt my feelings because they called me FAT. One said I must be 75 pounds overweight and the other said my waist size must be 44-46 inches. Ouch! By the way, I'm 187 pounds with a 32-inch waist. Oh, and I'm not gay. Whether I suck or not, well, that's debatable. Here's a fairly recent pic of me with my boss, Pork Chop, at the newsroom Christmas party. Click here to see the most recent column with the inane comments.