Bibb Mill in flames

You certainly can't tell anything from the horrible cell phone picture I took from Second Avenue around 2 a.m., but the historic Bibb Mill was totally engulfed in flames as I was coming home from work after a very long, late shift at the newspaper. Things were exploding as I drove past. Definitely the biggest fire I've ever seen.

Update: REAL PHOTOS from my co-workers are now on the newspaper's Web site, where the story will be updated throughout the day and evening.

Chilly Philly

The fans and players alike looked miserable during the five and a half innings of World Series Game 5 in Philadelphia, which was suspended with the score tied at 2-2 between the Tampa Bay Rays and Philadelphia Phillies. It was rainy, cold and windy. Perhaps they need to go back to a 154-game schedule so that the postseason doesn't stretch quite as far into the cold season. The final innings of Game 5 were to be played tonight, but now they've been postponed until Wednesday. The Phillies could win it all in a game that began Monday and ends Wednesday. Let's hope not. I'm rooting for the Rays.

The suspension also disrupted my workout last night at the gym. It was the perfect situation. I was the only one there and had all the equipment and the four TVs to myself. I had one on the World Series, one on Monday Night Football and one on ESPN News. As I told our executive editor a little while ago, if there just some nekkid people on the other TV, it'd been a guy's paradise.

He told me to shut up. He does that a lot.

Photo by Steve Falk/Philadelphia Daily News

R.I.P., JB

We bid farewell to my old childhood friend and high school buddy Jay Bentley in Warner Robins on Saturday. He'd been in the Army for the past 14 years and had recently become an Army recruiter. He was killed when he ran a stop sign that may or may not have been highly visible according to this story.

Jay was a tennis teammate and lived just a few houses down the street from me. During the second half of my senior year, he pretty much lived by himself while his very sweet mother was dealing with health issues out of town. We didn't throw too many wild parties there, but it did kind of serve as a home base for misbehavior for a while, though nothing too bad. My other cohort that senior year, Travis Burnam, died 10 years ago.

Few things are more sad than going to a funeral where a parent sees their child laid to rest, whether that child is a true kid or a 39-year-old like Jay. And military funerals with the guns and "Taps" always remind me of the first funeral I recall, when my World War II veteran grandfather was laid to rest.

So I felt kind of weird going from there to meeting another friend from way back when, Shane, at a Buffalo's Cafe to watch the Georgia-LSU game. Quite a change of gears for me and Shane, whom I bumped into at the visitation. But I think even a die-hard Auburn fan like Jay would appreciate the tribute we two rabid Bulldog fans paid to him during the viewing party.

War Eagle, buddy.

Song of the South?

As I'm writing this, there's a live feed on CNN.com of McCain supporters waiting to hear him speak in Denver. In the auditorium, they're playing Alabama's "Song of the South." You know, with its lyrics of "Daddy was a veteran, a Southern Democrat.They oughta get a rich man to vote like that," might not be the smartest choice of music.

Very misleading ad

I hope there's no one gullible enough to swallow the Democrats' TV advertisement slamming Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga.) for supporting a 23 percent national sales tax. The ad, which is funded by the Democraric Party and not by Chambliss' opponent, Jim Martin, implies that this 23 percent is on top of business-as-usual. Chambliss merely supported the Fair Tax, which would be a national sales tax of, yes, 23 percent. But the ad fails to mention that such a tax would completely eliminate the national income tax.

I kind of like the Fair Tax myself, but I don't buy as much as most folks. But I have a big problem with any ad playing to the ignorance and fear of the electorate, whether it's this ad from the Democrats or the McCain campaign's tasteless robocalls implying Obama cavorts with terrorists.

Click here to read more about the sales tax ads.

Sarah Palin on 'SNL'

After seeing a video of Sarah Palin's appearance on "Saturday Night Live" and seeing John McCain speak at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, I'm starting to think that if McCain and Palin had been less obsessed with negativity and pandering to the grouchy bitter right-wingers, they might have had a chance in the presidential election. Check out this video of Palin's good performance on 'SNL':

Their funny side

Presidential candidates Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain showed their funny sides last night at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner at New York's Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. It's too bad they can't trade such good humor and fun-natured barbs on the campaign trail. Anyway, it's just good to see they're actually human. Sometimes we forget. It's also much more in McCain's nature to make points with humor ... one of the reasons his humorless campaign is failing. And while Obama probably won each debate, McCain probably won this comedic showdown. Check out the videos and decide for yourself. They were both funny ... for a change.

My favorite line from Obama noted that his middle name was obviously given by parents who didn't think he'd run for president some day. He also announced that his middle name is actually Steve.

Check out the videos for yourself.

My yearbook photos

Some of you don't know this, but it took me a long, long time to complete high school ... as evidenced by these yearbook photos of me through the years.

1952

1956

1964


1970 ("Yeah, baby! Yeah")

1974

1976

1978

1984

1994

Go here for your old, old yearbook photos.

Marcia? Marcia? Marcia!!!

Apparently Marcia Brady wasn't the goody-two-shoes we all thought she was. Drugs. Sex. Sex-for-drugs. She even almost got it on with her TV brother Greg ... and wanted to with her TV dad. For a girl who managed to get Davy Jones to play her high school prom, Maureen McCormick's had a tough life, and she's telling all in a new book out today.

Thanks for bursting the bubble of my childhood fantasies, Maureen McCormick. Next you're gonna tell me that girls really don't have huge pillow fights at their slumber parties. No, wait, don't tell me.

Read more about Maureen McCormick's past, including why Jan still hates her, and see a video here.

Bush on the economy

For the first time since his deer-in-the-headlights speech to the nation on the bailout, President Bush spoke Friday from the White House to reassure everybody that the economy will be just fine. He's been making such comments for at least three years, which is about how long the entire rest of the nation has known the economy is screwed. Official recession, depression, whatever? Who knows? But screwed? Everyone can see that. Well, almost everyone.

Here's a short clip of President Bush's statement from the White House on Friday:

5 reasons to kayak at Whitewater in Oglethorpe

1. When I showed up Tuesday at the park with my kayak, the superintendent looked at me as if I'd arrived with a spaceship. This leads me to believe it's not a hot spot among kayakers, which means loner kayakers like me can find some peace and quiet. Actually, I was the only person in any type of boat this day. Sweet.

2. I know the place. I grew up camping and fishing out there. My grandmother went to church there. I played on the playgrounds there as a kid. Even smooched with a few girls out there without any charges being pressed (as far as I know). I like exploring new places in my kayak, but there's something to be said for familiar territory, too. It's all about balance.

3. As the sign shown above at the boat ramp indicates, you're not gonna be bothered by personal watercraft and speeding boats. Nothing wrong with those. If I strike it rich, I'll have me a lake house somewhere with some of my own. But naturally beautiful and peaceful spots like this should be reasonably undisturbed. There are places to cut up and places to chill out and places to do both. If only everyone could tell them apart.

4. Because you don't have to worry about speeding watercraft, you can assume a more relaxed paddling approach, as evidenced by the photo below. You can even carry cell phones and digital cameras with you.

5. When you get through kayaking, you can eat at some of the best restaurants in Georgia in a 30-mile radius ... Troy's Snack Shack and Yoder's Deutsch Haus in Montezuma; Oglethorpe Barbecue Co. in Guess Where; The Pizza Place in Ellaville; Justin's Place in Butler; and The Station, Forsyth Bar & Grill, Pat's Place and Monroe's in Americus to name a few. Not to mention there's no better (or cheaper) way to fuel yourself for an excursion on the water than with a morning stop at Grover's Grits where their motto is stated on the sign outside: "Order what you want; eat what you get."

Enough disappointment to go around

Now THIS just might be the most depressing story of the economic disaster so far. Even more depressing than knowing your tax dollars are being used in a bailout that will facilitate further mismanagement, much like giving your drunk relative $500 to get him through as he promises to do better.

Another disappointing thing is see gas prices barely nudge down as oil prices tumble. Remember when oil prices would go up and gas prices would reflect it immediately. The industry said they were just at the mercy of the markets. So why are gas prices not going down proportionally as they did going up? See, now there are all sorts of "other factors" besides the price of oil at play. Awfully convenient.

No shaving

A lot of people make snide comments because I don't put a razor to my face anymore. I'm not conforming to that clean-shaven look anymore. I'll trim it up every now and then, but I've got a baby face, and when I shave, I look like a 12-year-old. Anyway, I don't think my scruffy look is too bad, do you?

567889583625374869708078675645362894905 ...

Mathematicians at UCLA claim they have discovered a 13-million-digit prime number, the latest great scientific discovery in a nation that can't make a vehicle that runs efficiently off anything but gasoline. Well, at least we know why UCLA can't seem to win football games anymore; they don't have their priorities straight.

I'm not sure I buy their claim, though. I mean, ask them what it is, and they can't even tell you. If they can repeat it to me, I vow to make it my new PIN at the ATM. Hope you don't get behind me at the machine in that case.

Read about this really, really big number here. It may come in handy. It's likely to be the size of the federal deficit soon.

Breaking (wind) news

I'm so relieved to see that a West Virginia man will no longer face battery charges after being accused of passing gas and then waving the fumes toward police officers while he was being detained following a DUI arrest.

According to the original Associated Press story, the police said that Jose A. Cruz, 34, scooted his chair toward a patrolman, lifted his leg and ‘‘passed gas loudly.’’

‘‘The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,’’ the complaint alleged.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn’t move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

‘‘I couldn’t hold it no more,’’ he said.

You can read about it here, and who wouldn't want to?

In other flatulence news ...

* Jessica Simpson apparently ate the wrong meal before a show in Niagara Falls recently. But don't fret. She says her flatulence "smells like roses." I'll take her word for it.

* Then there's this clip of NFL analyst John Clayton appearing on ESPN's SportsCenter. Oh, the joys of live TV.

* And from the high-tech world of mobile farts is this story about the Pull My Finger application that Apple rejected for its iPhone. According to Beta News, it's an application that produces five or six sounds of human flatulence (and you thought it was embarrassing when you got a phone call in the middle of a meeting now). It got rebuffed not on the basis of offensive content, but on grounds that it is "of limited utility to the broad iPhone and iPod touch user community."

Stay tuned for the latest, breaking ppppplllrrrbbbtttttss here.

The great kazoo

No, not The Great Gazoo from "The Flintstones."

They're gonna try to set a world record for kazoo playing in Macon on Thursday night. Not for best kazoo playing or longest kazoo playing, but most kazoo players at once. This is either something you really want to be a part of or stay really far away from. I think I'd stay away, even though I can play kazoo almost as well as I play guitar. I even missed a wedding of fellow journalists here once because they had the attendees play "Here Comes the Bride" on kazoos. OK, I missed it because I hate going to wedding and funerals. Or is that redundant?

Hmm, I wonder if I can get folks at my funeral to play Buster Poindexter's "Hot Hot Hot" on kazoos.

You can read more about the even in my old friend Ed Grisamore's column in our sister paper, the Macon Telegraph.

NO!!!!

This gonna come as quite a shock to some people, but Clay Aiken, the effeminate one-time "American Idol" runner-up, is gay. I know, I wouldn't have believed it myself, but he says so right here. He chose to make this announcement upon becoming a father, something he apparently had a lot of help with.

I don't care, you know, "not that there's anything wrong with that." It's not like I was waiting for Clay Aiken to star in something real macho, like a "Conan the Barbarian" remake or something. I just always wondered if Clay Aiken knew he was gay ... kinda like those guys you went to high school with who thought they were straight but everyone else knew were gay. And then you find out 20 years later that they finally figured it out, too.

Interesting fella

You've probably never heard of Matt Simmons, but few people in the world know more about the world's only-gonna-get-worse oil crisis and addiction. Instead of trying to score political points with offshore drilling or fuel efficiency increases of 15 or 20 MPG, politicians, corporate leaders and the general public better heed guys like this. Learn more about him in this well-done Fortune article.

Sweet dreams

It seems more married couples are sleeping separately. Not in a "Go sleep on the sofa, you jerk!" sort of way, but in the sense of getting a better night's sleep. I'm not sure it's such a bad idea. Maybe I can get bunk beds again, like I had when I was 12. I just thank goodness I've got a king-size bed. But if I sleep along, what am I gonna prop my legs on at night?

You can read about it here.

No more -gate

Ever since Watergate, people think they can attach "gate" to any controversy. Irangate. Spygate. I Twisted My Ankle At The Mall-Gate. The latest is Sarah Palin's Troopergate.

Stop it! It's lame and lazy. As for Troopergate, I don't care if she abused her power in pushing to have her ex-brother-in-law fired. He needed firing. Forget that. Worry about whether you're comfortable with the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant's Miss Congeniality being one heartbeat away from being leader of the Free World.

You've got a couple of people with limited experience in this election -- Palin and Obama. Are you gonna go with the one with the gifted IQ or the one who can see Russia from their house? Experience, and/or lack thereof, is relative.

So?

Just caught a glimpse of the local TV news (with apologies to my TV journalist friends, a glimpse is about all I ever catch of it.). Anyway, at the top of the news were a couple of stories about local gas stations being robbed. Well, at least they know how we feel now.

Barnes storming outta here

Brad Barnes, a talented pop culture writer here at the paper is moving on to the normal world. His last day at the Ledger-Enquirer is tomorrow. You can read his blog, Barnes Storming, by clicking here.

He's my age and came to the paper not long after I did. I'm starting to feel stranded as dozens of co-workers have come and gone since I started here. There are a few veterans still here and a lot of young journalists. But there aren't many of us still in the middle, straddling that line between idealistic journalist and cynical realist. Think I'm walking that line alone.

Good luck, Brad, in your real job.

Recession? Try depression

In some people's naive eyes, the U.S. economy is "fundamentally strong" (even though there's not one positive aspect of it nor a single driving force out there that could bring it back except for a clean, cheap energy discovery). I'm no economist, but I've got enough common sense to know that neither optimism nor the same ol' same ol' will bring it back. You've got to get off oil, pure and simple, and the rest will follow. Drilling for more will just feed the addiction so that we can keep repeating crises. No thank you. Amazing that the only industry doing will is the one with a finite future. No matter how many places you drill, it remains a finite resource.

Anyway, I was just wondering if we're still building that fence between us and Mexico. If so, we might want to make sure we all have a key in case we all have to go try to find work south of the border. And don't blame Canada if they start building one between us and them.

Tina Fey does Sarah Palin

Wow, after seeing this clip, I'm not sure Tina Fey and Sarah Palin aren't the same person.

Holy crap!

You know, if a suspect in a high-speed car chase crashed into my house and knocked me off the toilet, I just might leave that last part out when police asked where I was at the time.

Yep, this really happened. Click here.

Wanna feel stupid? Check this out!

Have you read about the massive particle collider that's now operational in a tunnel beneath the border of Switzerland and France? The European Organization for Nuclear Research's ongoing project to learn more about the origins of the universe, dark matter and other dimensions could lead to the greatest discoveries since man discovered fire. Critics, however, worry the scientists' project could result in the creation of black holes that could swallow our planet and eventually the rest of the universe.

Does make you wonder if we're on the verge of discovering new dimensions and the origin of the universe, then why can't we find an alternative to oil? These geniuses oughta be able to know that problem out in a week or two. Priorities, people.

Speaking as a guy who's idea of scientific experiments don't go beyond a Mentos and some Diet Coke, I guess I'll just sit back and see how it all plays out. But for the record: Other dimensions, cool. Black holes, uncool. That's all I've got to say about it. Y'all be careful. Here's an excerpt from today's Associated Press article:

Scientists hope to eventually send two beams of protons through two tubes about the width of fire hoses, speeding through a vacuum that is colder and emptier than outer space. The paths of these beams will cross, and a few protons will collide. The collider's two largest detectors — essentially huge digital cameras weighing thousands of tons — are capable of taking millions of snapshots a second.

The CERN experiments could reveal more about "dark matter," antimatter and possibly hidden dimensions of space and time. It could also find evidence of the hypothetical particle — the Higgs boson — which is sometimes called the "God particle" because it is believed to give mass to all other particles, and thus to matter that makes up the universe.

You can read the entire article here. It's also all over the Web.

Scary numbers

I recently read that a Gallup poll found that more than half of Americans believe the right-wing propaganda that Barack Obama "wants to raise your taxes." Well, yes, if you make $227,000 or more, indeed, he wants to raise them, or at least restore them to Clinton-era levels -- you know, back when the economy was strong.

In case you're interested in facts, here are the average numbers on what you'll see from the tax hikes and cuts under the Obama and McCain plans, according to the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center:

Income..............................Obama.....................McCain
$0-$19,000 ..............................$567 less....................$19 less
$19,000-$38,000....................$892 less....................$113 less
$38,000-$66,000....................$1,042 less................$319 less
$66,000-$112,000..................$1,290 less................$1,009 less
$112,000-$227,000................$2,300 less...............$3,200 less
$227,000-more.......................$23,000 more...........$15,000 less

McCain's ads state that Obama want to raise taxes on working class Americans. Apparently McCain considers only the top 5 percent of Americans working class because the bottom 95 percent would see their taxes cut under Obama's plan. However, it should be noted that neither plan is fiscally responsible, because over 10 years, Obama's would increase the national debt by about $3.5 trillion and McCain's by even more than that. So, vote for whom you want and whatever issues concern you, but don't fall for the rhetoric from either side. The whole "tax and spend" label is not only worn out, but it's a lie.

I still think all Gallup polls should come with the following disclaimer: 90 percent of people polled were complete idiots.

A recently updated report of the Tax Policy Center's analysis can be found by clicking here.

Men remain sexist, politically incorrect slime update

Attention all men: Do not notice what Republican vice presidential candidate Gov. Sarah Palin, R-Alaska, looks like. Do not say that she was only put on the ticket to steal a few whiny disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters or undecided hockey moms. Don't call her more eye candy for Sen. John McCain. And, by all means, do not describe her look as a "sexy librarian" look.

Instead, focus on her policies, assuming someone eventually points them out. Perhaps you should note her vehement opposition to sex education, but don't note the irony that she has an unwed, knocked-up 17-year-old daughter. Or how she doesn't believe in global warming.

I know it's politically correct for me to join the legions of men scared to even talk about Palin around women, but I'm not much for political correctness. She's a good looking lady. Sorry, I've noticed the obvious. I think Sen. Joe Biden will fry her in the VP debate, but I hope she gets more camera time. Sue me.

Is there a double-standard? Perhaps. Then again, I think women talk about men perhaps more than men talk about women. Don't forget there's an Obama Girl out there. Men are visual creatures -- creatures being the key word there. We can't help it; it's in our genes.

Let me just go on the record and say that to combat the double standard, women are allowed to talk about how devastatingly handsome I am when I run for president. Hopefully, women will be able to get over their fashion discrimination by then and elect a president in flip-flops.

Anyway, the more I hear about this, the more I think about my late Grandma Julia, as Christian a woman as you could ever meet. Yet, anytime President Reagan came on the TV, she'd say, "Mmm, mmm, that's a good looking man right there."

"Grandma!"

See this discussion of how Palin's looks are not important and men are still slime on CNN's "Showbiz Tonight."

Let's be friends, just friends

A woman friend randomly asked for my opinion on this question today (I think she was polling): "Do you think a man and a woman can just be friends?"

Talk about your loaded question. The politically correct answer she was looking for was, "Why yes, of course." But I decided since she thinks I'm a moron anyway to just give her the truth. Later, I found these clips from "When Harry Met Sally," a film that explored the whole subject. In these two scenes, Billy Crystal pretty much echoed what I had to say. Even though this is a chick flick, I love this movie. Ironically, based on my views, the last time I saw it all the way through was with a 100 percent platonic female friend. Seriously. Which I guess blows my whole argument. But I'm married, so that doesn't count. Refer to scene two for that question.

Do you agree with Billy/Harry/Me or do you choose to believe the untrue opposite? Check out the clips. The expression on Meg Ryan's face is priceless. I see it a lot.

When you're not, you're not

Jerry Reed died this morning at the age of 71 due to complications from emphysema. He was one of my favorite guys in music, a good ol' Georgia boy who never tried to be more than what he was — in music or in acting. One of my favorite easy songs to strum on the guitar is "The Bandit" from "Smokey and the Bandit," in which he also starred. Stupid movie, yes, but stupid fun. I couldn't play "East Bound and Down" in a million years of guitar lessons. The man was well known as one of the best guitar players in Nashville long before he ever had a hit.

I saw Jerry Reed in concert at the Cherry Blossom Festival in Macon around 1990 or 1991. I was there with my future wife (my current one, in case that's not clear) and a couple of friends. There were several acts on various stages, including the Indigo Girls very nearby ... and act that interested neither I nor, apparently, Jerry Reed. In the middle of his concert, he stopped and asked of the sounds invading his concert area: "What the hell is that?"

Of course, that concert will always be remembered by my wife as the one where I forgot to guard her Port-O-Potty door. Ooops!

You can listen to a good many Jerry Reed songs for free by clicking here.

Football shout-out

My second cousin, Kyle Rowe, made his debut as the starting quarterback for the winningest high school football team in the nation Friday night as Valdosta High School thumped Jenkins 48-7 in their season opener. Kyle completed 14-of-20 passes for 161 yards and four touchdowns. You can read details by clicking here.

Chew, man, chew

This just in from the Mennonite News column by Esther Yoder in my hometown newspaper, the Citizen and Georgian of Montezuma. The alarming second paragraph:

Brady Yoder got a piece of meat stuck in his throat last Friday. It wasn’t choking him, but he just couldn’t swallow anything else either to make it go on down. After several hours, they took him to the hospital in Warner Robins to have it surgically removed. The same thing had happened one other time several years ago and he had it taken care of in Warner Robins also. He is doing fine now.

You can view the entire column by clicking here.

Click here to visit the Citizen and Georgian Web site.

I think we can learn two things from this incident:
1. Brady Yoder needs to chew his meat a little better, and
2. If you ever have meat stuck in your throat, get to Warner Robins as soon as possible.

Noah where to go

In case y'all are interested, I'm building an ark. Sure, it may be merely the remnants of Tropical Storm Fay (apparently to be followed by Gustav), but I'm starting to get worried that God's in an Old Testament kind of mood ... you know where he had immediate buyer's remorse after creating humans and kept smiting them left and right.

I'm having a little trouble finding out whether these two ferrets are one of each sex, though. So, if I screw up, there may not be any ferrets reproducing when the rain stops. But, really, who needs ferrets? It's not like they're critical on the food chain or anything. Well, unless you count the Ferret on a Stick they sell at the Macon County Fair. Mmm.

And where the heck are "cubits" on this darn tape measure?!

What's good for the goose ...

Here's a little post for the ladies. Don't forget that Saturday is "National Topless Protest Day." No, it's not a day to protest folks who go topless. It's a day to protest the inequity that allows men to go topless, but not women. I agree. Totally unfair.

It's sponsored by the Raelian Movement, a bunch of religious nuts who claimed to have cloned a human a few years ago. As if we need more humans. You can learn more about the religion by clicking here. Rael, the leader of the movement, gets messages from God when he goes riding on spaceships, by the way. (Ooops, upon further review, the messages don't come from God but the four-foot tall human-like outer space creatures who created Earth and people and asked Rael to open an embassy on this planet.) I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. These people are serious. Though, I doubt their claim of having cloned a human being because I don't think Rael could clone a piece of paper with a Xerox machine. Seriously, visit the site. Each of man's religions contains its own bit of silliness, but these folks go above and beyond ... literally.

But back to the important point here: boobs. The Raelians do have a point. If men can do it, especially men like the one pictured here, then why can't women? Beats me. So, I figure the least I can do is help them spread their message.

"The 21st century is high time for women to be granted the right to go topless in public, a right American men have been able to enjoy for almost a century in all 50 states," said San Diego resident Nadine Gary, a Raelian guide and one of the event's principal organizers. "To deny American women the right to go topless is not only ridiculous but unconstitutional."

To learn more about Saturday's plans, click here.

Genre buster

When Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" hit radio this year with its catchy sampling from "Werewolves of London" and "Sweet Home Alabama," I could have sworn it was a rock song. After all, it was played often on Columbus' Rock 103. But in the past few days I've heard it on Q107.3 (Top 40), Kissin 99.3 (country) and even Sunny 100 (adult contemporary ... think songs like Daniel Powter's godawful "Bad Day"). I'm sure I'll hear it on Georgia Public Radio this weekend, maybe right before "A Prairie Home Companion."

I'm all for busting labels, and I'll be danged if I ever let anyone put me in one of society's confining boxes. But I've had this song on MP3 for a while, plus I heard it at my sister Laurie's luau at least 14 times last month before I had to jump in the pool at 3 a.m. just to get away from it. But I guess that's the sign of a good song -- when they play it 'til you hate it. And I can't begrudge any success that comes to good old-fashioned white trash. Even if he's from Michigan and not the Dirty South.

Then again, the guy did get arrested for fighting outside an Atlanta Waffle House. If that ain't grounds for getting your Southern citizenship, I don't know what is.

Here comes Fay

A quick shout-out to a reader and fellow kayaker and blogger Doug Bennett, who's riding out Hurricane Fay down in Key West -- and, yes, Hurricane Fay is an actual storm and not an exotic entertainer or something down there. Doug has a blog called "This Week On The Island" that you can find by clicking here. I like his recent weather forecast: "Beautiful week followed by a small hurricane." Actually, Hurricane Fay is still Tropical Storm Fay at the moment, but I think the girl has ambition. I'm sure Doug will provide an update on the goings-on down there.

Oldies?

This is getting depressing. First, it was that ancient retired guy Brett Favre returning to the NFL at the ripe old age of 38. Then I had to hear how the oldest member of the U.S. men's swimming team (32-year-old anchor leg swimmer Jason Lezak, pictured here) pretty much saved the 4x100 freestyle relay team's collective butts and Michael Phelps' chances for a record 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics with an unbelievable come-from-behind win on Monday. Then, today, I heard a Prince song ("I Would Die 4 U") on Boomer 95.3, the oldies radio station here.

Now that I'm 38, is this what it's come to? I'm older than 99 percent of the professional athletes and way older than the oldest member of the U.S. men's swim team. (Thank you, Dara Torres, for not making me feel too old.) And, now, they're playing the music from my high school years on the oldies station.

I hope I haven't lost my walker I got after that car wreck eight years ago. Looks like I'd better dust it off.

By the way, if you missed it Monday (Sunday night here), Jason Lezak's anchor leg swim for the gold medal to upset the favored, smack-talking French team was one of the most exciting moments in American Olympic history. You can watch it again by clicking here. If you don't get a chill, you are one cold-blooded American.

Photo of Jason Lezak from http://www.jasonlezak.com/.

The Lin-Yang of life

Remember that cute little girl singing and flying around on wires during the opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics? Me, neither. I watched the sleep-inducing ceremonies for a while and was very impressed with the precision of the performers. It was almost like they were a bunch of communists used to doing as they're told.

Anyway, cute little 9-year-old Lin Miaoke was lip-synching because the real singer, 7-year-old Yang Peiyi, was deemed a little too homely for such a ceremony. Luciano Pavarotti also lip-synched during ceremonies at the 2006 Winter Games in Turin, Italy, but at least he lip-synched to his own voice.

I'm just thankful that America never would have to endure any lip-synching controversy of its own. Thank goodness we have honest, real performers like Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears who can deliver earnest live performances.

You can read the story about cute Lin and homely Yang by clicking here.

Xinhua News Agency photo

Sprewell Bluff

We spent Saturday at Sprewell Bluff, a beautiful stretch of the unspoiled Flint River between Woodland and Thomaston. Well, unspoiled except for a few rednecks who insist upon throwing their cigarette butts on the ground as they do at the beach, too. America's forgiven crime.

But another crime, far worse, looms on the horizon as folks including my congressman Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (R) and Rep. Nathan Deal (R) are wanting to dam up parts of the river to feed overgrown Atlanta's thirst for more water and more overgrowing. Rewarding Atlanta's mismanaged sprawl by clogging up rivers for everybody else solves Atlanta's issues as much as drilling for more oil solves America's energy problems -- in both cases, you're just feeding the monster that's about to eat you alive. It's like helping a heroin addict kick the habit by giving them more heroin.

President Carter thwarted a similar plan to dam it up in the 1970s. I'm not sure he'll be as successful this time around, although I'm sure some folks south of Atlanta will have something to say about it. Atlanta's collective butt has been kissed long enough. We can't keep rewarding mismanagement with more opportunity to mismanage. And sometimes the only "smart growth" is no growth. In fact, the only wise way to handle Atlanta's urban sprawl is to go through a period of smart contraction. That's right, shrink. Columbus could stand to do a little of it, too. But the word "growth" sounds so good when you're running for office or trying to make a buck.

But, please, don't dam up places like Sprewell Bluff to punish folks in smaller areas where common sense trumps politics. Don't transform Georgia from the Empire State of the South to the Stopped Up State of the South. And go check out places like Sprewell Bluff, the recently spared Jekyll Island and Georgia's other natural wonders before the state's economic barons and their hos in office get their grubby hands on them. And if you're into adventuring, the Flint has some great paddling in this area, including Class I-III rapids near Sprewell. I'd hate to kiss that goodbye.

A post of Flint Riverkeeper was recently created in the wake of this slap in the face to everyone outside the Atlanta metro area. Mark Woodall is the first Flint Riverkeeper and you'll be able to learn more about the program by clicking here.

As for our day at the bluff, it's always a little painful walking across those rocks in the swift current, but Saylor had a blast bodysurfing in the little bit of whitewater. And I had a blast getting back to nature, even amid the cigarette-littering rednecks. Even saw a guy get baptised Saturday. Good thing he went ahead and took care of that. It could be a lot deeper soon.

WOLVERINES!

This just in: Russia has invaded Georgia. If you don't believe me, you can read about it here.

They tried to warn us about this in the 1980s with the movie "Red Dawn," but we've gotten complacent about the Russians. I've tried to get information from Free America on the radio, but they've taken over the airwaves and filled it with propaganda from John Tesh ... and regular playings of "Sweet Home Alabama" to placate the occupied locals.

Last I heard, they were closing in on Columbus, having already taken over LaGrange, Upatoi, Cusseta (where they were briefly caught in a speedtrap) and Ladonia. So, we seem to be surrounded. I'm going to get my letterman's jacket and a BB gun and head up to Pine Mountain, which I'll use as a base to launch commando attacks on the Russians. Who's with me?!

WOLVERINES!