Week in Review 10

A little early this week, but I've got a busy Friday, so nothing newsworthy is allowed to happen Friday ...

• NASCAR fan favorite Dale Earnhardt Jr., right, joins Hendrick Motorsports, where he'll be teammates with despised racer Jeff Gordon (despised because he's the sport's best and most literate driver). Junior's fans urge him to reconsider and get a more likable teammate, such as David Ragan, Carl Edwards or Satan.
• To repair the space shuttle's damaged thermal blanket, NASA blasts 84-year-old Edith Mae Mygrant and her sewing kit into orbit. Mrs. Mygrant says she can repair the shuttle's blanket and crochet some doilies for the International Space Station.
• Hamas violently wrestles control of the Palestinian government and security forces from Fatah and President Mahmoud Abbas. "The era of justice and Islamic rule has arrived," Hamas spokesman Islam Shahawan said. Boy, nothing's quite so reassuring as knowing "Islamic rule has arrived."
• The U.S. military reveals that it researched the possibility of using a bomb that would have employed hormones to turn opposing forces gay. The plan was dropped after it was tested on Iraq's Republican Guard, which then spontaneously put on a production of "Cats" that garnered rave reviews.
• Country singer Sammy Kershaw announces that he's running for lieutenant governor of Louisiana. Who better to restore dignity to Louisiana politics than someone who's biggest hit was "Queen of My Doublewide Trailer?"
• Twelve viewers tune in across America to watch the San Antonio Spurs sweep the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals. It's the lowest TV ratings for a major sports championship since a couple of weeks ago when the Anaheim Mighty Ducks won the NHL's Stanley Cup on the Home Shopping Network.
• Scientists believe they find the remains of a giant, birdlike dinosaur as tall as the formidable tyrannosaur in China, citing it as a major discovery in evolutionary science. They are forced to retract their statements, however, after realizing what they discovered was actually the result of a Yao Ming parasailing accident.
• A report shows shoppers at Wal-Mart stores are loading carts with merchandise -- flat-screen TVs, DVDs, six packs of beer -- and strolling out without paying. Employees also are helping themselves to goods. Analysts estimate losses due to shoplifting, employee theft, paperwork errors and supplier fraud could total more than $3 billion this year at the world's largest retailer. More amazing is that all the world's Wal-Marts put together could have $3 billion worth of anything.
• "The Sopranos" kind of ends its run on HBO.