Week in review 14

• The Tour de Steroids got through its first week in France without anyone in America noticing. Also, the three people pictured here are not the Tour spectators they were alleged to be by cycling authorities. Turns out they were just trying to cross the road and wondering where the heck all those bicycles came from. On a sad note, the boy in the middle was stricken with steroid sickness after getting a whiff of the cyclists as they flew by.
• In yet another blow for infallibility, Pope Benedict announces that there is only one true Christian church and one true path to salvation: the Catholic Church. While disturbing to some Christians, others are delighted to know they can now take Sundays off.
• The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles will settle its clergy abuse cases for at least $600 million. Apparently the path to salvation is paved with legal settlements.
• The pope's comments are met with thousands of death threats and fears of riots and violence ... oops, wait, that was some other group he offended.
• The White House spends the week trying to lower expectations for the Iraq progress report. President Bush also says his policy in Iraq (whatever that might be) needs more time ... based on the history of Islamic militants, perhaps a few centuries.
• Satisfaction with the job Congress is doing has fallen to 24 percent, an 11-point drop since May and 9 points lower than President Bush's approval rating. Wow, and you thought lowering expectations for the Iraq report was difficult!
• Deeper in the poll results, it's found that satisfaction with Satan's job performance is at 38 percent, topping both President Bush and the Congress.
• A Fulton County erosion control inspector admitted on Monday that in exchange for $1,000 in cash and a $100 gift card to Red Lobster, he agreed to get rid of tickets he had issued to a contractor ... proving once again that Red Lobster's cheese biscuits are indeed laced with crack cocaine.
• Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam and Tony the Tiger were murdered this week, and authorities fear they may have a cereal killer on their hands.
• A government study shows the teen birth rate has dropped to a record low. Once again, teenage boys lead the way as not a single one gave birth.
• The NCAA punishes the University of Oklahoma for "failure to monitor" the employment of players and says the school must erase eight football victories from the 2005 season. Also, Oklahoma coaches will not be allowed to demand 110 percent effort from their players in 2007, only 92 percent.
• Cindy Sheehan brings her anti-Bush, anti-war protests to Fort Benning, inflaming the sensitivities in a military town where most folks consider free speech some sort of socialist invention.